How To Not Suck At Hiking In Texas

Maybe you’re new to exploring the great outdoors, unfamiliar with Texas, or both. This is for you. 

Texas is a spectacularly beautiful state. This place has everything. You want plains? Texas has plains. How about beaches? There is so much beach. You could get a degree in Beach. Hills? Texas boasts a Hill Country!* You want mountains? The tail end of the Rockies can be found in West Texas, and, (pre)historically speaking, Texas is known for towering peaks.** You want lakes? Texas...well...we have lakes now.*** 

It is only natural to want to get out there and explore all that Texas has to offer- but how does one tear themselves away from their air conditioning long enough to see anything outdoors the nine months out of the year that it is hotter than the two months where it is just hot and the one month you are married to your heater? Maybe you have small children who are fragile under the burning sun, or perhaps you are just human and humans alternatively crisp or wilt in Texas. There are people who come down with heat exhaustion from walking from their car to HEB in August. When the oppressive heat isn’t the problem, there’s still the floods, the bugs, the venomous sneks, poisonous plants, the large, terrifying mammals…

TLDR: Texas is really big, completely amazing, and she’s trying to kill you. 

So, how can you not suck at hiking in Texas?  

Here are the basics- this may all seem like common sense, but I see folk fail on these fundamentals all the time and it’s painful. I’d rather help spread some good advice than watch people struggle.

Heat:

For starters- always check the forecast and be realistic. Rockstars know when not to play- and when the stage is on fire, perhaps reconsider stumbling out into the flames. You have always wanted to visit the Lighthouse Trail in Palo Duro Canyon. It is August, rocks are melting and the trees are spontaneously combusting. You have a newborn strapped to your chest and the family pooch is by your side. You cannot carry adequate supplies. But you are thinking to yourself, man, are the family photos going to be outstanding! Don’t do that. 

Some people take into account the brutal conditions and are fine on the hike out, but neglect to consider the hike BACK. Every year, people and their pets suffer heat exhaustion and DIE on the trails because they underestimated Texas. When it’s really REALLY hot, go find yourself a nice waterhole or just go bowling. 

Inclement Weather:

If it starts to rain, or you hear thunder while you are hiking a riverbed in Texas, cut the hike short and get to safety. It is amazing how quickly the waters rise and it does not need to be raining where you are- if an inch of rain falls quickly upstream from you, you still better get a move on. It could translate to several feet of flood waters coming at you like a freight train. Be realistic and be safe. Be a Rockstar.  

Footwear:

I can’t believe I need to say this, but here we are. You have checked the forecast- no chance of rain, it is one of the five days a year it’s under 100 degrees, you feel pretty good about the day. Excellent! Now, do not go spoiling it with crappy shoes. FFS, put down the flip flops, step over to your dresser and open your drawers until you find one full of stretchy pieces of fabric that were built to cover your lowest extremities. These are called, “socks.” Put them on. Hopefully you still own a pair of “shoes” (the things you wear over your “socks” that you purchased years ago so you could “work out.” The gym wasn’t impressed with your flip flops, either. Funny that.). IF you are in need of a new pair of shoes, I always look for something bendable, breathable, with good grips on the soles. If you manage to put on real honest to goodness hiking shoes but your spawn wander the trails in their flip flops, you are fired. Your fur baby’s paws can burn on sunny rock in no time. Please provide adequate footwear for your whole group.

Hydrate:

Okay, good. The weather is being agreeable, your feet are happy, now is a good time...to stumble to the kitchen for some supplies. If you plan on being outside for longer than 20 minutes (yes, really, 20 minutes), BRING WATER. I prefer using backpacks with water reservoirs so I can bring any other supplies I may need and keep my hands free, but I will give you a fist bump on the trail if I see you slugging your reusable water bottle. Water fanny packs also definitely deserves a high five. 

If you are hiking with children and/or pets DO NOT FORGET TO BRING EXTRA WATER FOR THEM AND STOP OFTEN TO ENCOURAGE THEM TO DRINK. Replace electrolytes. Haven’t needed to find a spot off trail that isn’t covered in poison ivy to take a whizz? You’re doing it wrong. Make sure everyone in your party is hydrated. Losing Fido to poor planning is not good for family bonding. If you have kiddos, encourage them to bring their own water, but know that it’s likely you’ll be carrying…everything…at the end of the day, so plan accordingly. If you plan on being out longer than 30 minutes with children, pack a snack. It is hot, they will lose water quickly and the snack will help them be thirsty and remember to continue drinking water. The longer the hike, the more food to bring. You got this.  

Supplies:

First aid kit that includes tweezers (cactus fren is sharp) and moleskin (stop blisters the moment they start), a leatherman, MOAR SNACKS, a small flashlight and a small towel (obviously). Hats for everyone. You are hiking in Texas- you are constantly at war with the burning star looming over you at all times. When it is not hovering over you, beating you down, sucking the life force right out of you, it is smoldering on the other side of the earth, plotting your demise. Make your own shade- you’re gonna need it.

Sunscreen. Apply before the hike, reapply often. Don’t worry about your “tan,” this is Texas, you’ll see plenty of sun even with 50spf. 

Trash. Pick up after yourselves. Pick up after your pets. Pick up after the people before you to leave the place better than you found it. Leave No Trace.

Don’t just plan for what you’ll need on the hike itself. You probably drove out into the middle of nowhere to do the fun thing, so consider what you might want when you get back to your car, but before you make it to civilization. Cool water, something with electrolytes, a nice sammich- a small cooler in your car with extra provisions for you (and to share if you’re feeling it) is always nice. 

Planning: 

Choose a hike that fits well with everyone's abilities and doesn’t challenge logic. Taking a baby in a stroller on a hike to the top of Enchanted Rock in July may sound like a good idea to someone,**** but please note that there are zero circumstances in which this would be a good idea. Or remotely appropriate. It may be the worst idea. With all the beautiful hikes out there, it is easy to find something that will keep everyone comfortable. 

If you aren’t very familiar with the great outdoors, consider choosing hikes that you would bring a toddler on to start. What makes something toddlerable? Plan as if you will have to carry your own supplies and probably carry a wiggling toddler and all of their supplies as well, in and out. You should consider how long until the hike becomes intoddlerable. And how the hike will change as the day gets hotter. There are plenty of epic hikes that are perfectly toddlerable, or that can be done with a toddler’s needs in mind- couch to the Marufo Vega trail is inadvisable. No one is going to give you a high five if you become a burden on other hikers or emergency responders because of poor (or lack of) planning. 

Stay on the trails, avoid plants that will make you itch, don’t mess with sneks, and steer clear of critters. Appreciate them from afar or they might make you regret it. Be aware of your surroundings before you start taking selfies. You don’t want to finish out a hike on a life flight or worse. Don’t let your outing become a cautionary tale. 

There you have it! You are a properly prepared and attired, litter collecting, forecast watching Rockstar hiker, loaded down with water and food and sunscreen, and all in sensible shoes. Your adventures will be legendary. You will do great. 

Now all you need is someplace to go. Let’s hook you up! 

NOTES:

*Calling them “hills” is a little debatable. For the sake of accuracy, we ought to call it The Valley Country. The “tops” of the hills in the Hill Country is where the ground was at- what we’re seeing is a whole lot of erosion.

** For you Geology nerds- during the Paleozoic Era, the Ouachita Mountain range ran from Arkansas and Oklahoma down into Texas- curving south, just east of Ft. Worth, just east of Austin where it turned southwest to Big Bend country. Some of the peaks on this range are suspected to be some of the grandest on the planet in their day and it has been noted that the weather patterns locally here in Central Texas are still affected by this now invisible line, long ago eroded and buried by newer rock. 

For more information on the Geology of Texas (and that wicked cool ancient mountain range) please visit https://www.lib.utexas.edu/geo/ggtc/ch1.html 

*** Nearly every lake you see on the map was created by humans and fairly recently, completely changing the landscape of Texas from 100 years ago. These dam projects are examples of great feats of engineering to sustain agriculture and industry, and to provide drinking water for our growing population (insert “mistakes were made and we’re going to live to see the consequences” speech here). 

Caddo Lake is often said to be the “only” natural lake of any size that Texas has, but there is still a healthy debate raging about that. All the others having been created by damming projects and Caddo Lake itself has been enhanced by humans to store more water. On the map, though, you will find many blue spots throughout the state, but we know their dirty little plugged up secret.

The Brazos River Authority still claims Caddo Lake was the “only” natural lake in Texas (and further claims it was caused by a log jam, which makes my heart happy. Texas lakes are mostly a lie) http://waterschool.brazos.org/post/man-made.aspx 

****I have no idea who; I don't want to know that person, the mere idea of that person just made me break out in hives. For the record, I have indeed seen that person with my own eyes. Sometimes that person wears (gulp) high heels. Please do not be that person.

First Published 2014 

*Post Updated September 2023